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| "No other age level is of more importance to the future of individuals, and, literally, to that of society; because these are the years when youngsters crystallize their beliefs about themselves and firm up their self-concepts, their philosophies of life and their values - the things that are the ultimate determinants of their behaviors." Understanding and Appreciating the Wonder Years |
You can read the rest of this article on early adolescence here
Just as Mr. Lounsbury says, this is pretty much the ending of the active discussion the child is having with him or herself as to the self-concept.
Of course, this discussion continues throughout life, and the core principal of the child's thought was established long ago, but there is still a great deal of malleability through these middle school testing years which allows for more improvement with your help.
Your young adolescent is now testing more and more his or her strengths and judgments. For middle school kids, emotions are even more sensitive now as the heart starts fluttering. Also, the demands of middle school are greater.
Now, your child needs you more than ever to affirm his or her worth.
Possibly the middle school your child attends is further away from home, allowing for more time to be independent as he or she walks, rides the bike, or rides the bus to and from school.
Your young adolescent may encounter other middle school kids who are bullies, or other children who might entice him or her to do things of which you would not approve. And, because your child is exercising his or her independence, he or she does not want to ask you before making decisions regarding the response he or she will make.
If your child is fortunate, there will be a teacher or mature friend whom your child will be more likely to talk with when making these decisions, which allows your middle-schooler to be independent of you, if not totally independent.
When Middle School Kids Make Wrong Decisions
When your child makes a wrong decision, it is imperative that you listen closely to the entire story and refrain from acting dramatic and/or highly emotional. The more calm you can be and the more open you are to listening and actually hearing the feelings behind the actions your child decided to take, the more your child can learn in a positive way.
With your help your adolescent will not be afraid to be in the same situation again, albeit making different decisions. And, your response will help your middle school child decide how much of the story you will hear the next time.
Most of all, no matter how 'bad' the decision might have been, keep in mind that the consequences are not the end of the world. There is always hope (even the most brutal murderers, which I'm sure your child is not, make changes and can give a great deal to society eventually).
Chances are the consequences are a great deal less long-term than that example!
But even if they seem to be long term, don't think of it in that way. Look only at what needs to happen now and go one step at a time. Be glad that you still have your precious child, no matter what, and that you can still love and support him or her.
Most importantly, make sure your child is clear that you continue to love and support him or her, no matter what has happened. The poor decision is just one small part of your young adolescent - not the entire child. Your middle school child is learning, because, keep in mind, he or she is still a child.
When middle school kids make a 'mistake', you deal with it, give the consequence immediately, and then be done with it. Do not expand the punishment by being angry continuously. That does no good for your child - or for you.
As a parent, you have homework too... Here’s an excellent article on the parents’ homework written by Sybil Humphries, who says: "No gift is too costly (or too hard to obtain) for a parent to give his child". You will love this handy homework assignment, check it out now!
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