State or Private College and University: Who’s Choice?

Some students decide not to attend a state or private college and university at all. In the United States college can begin from age 15 to age 99 or so, this is a very wide area to cover.

But for the purposes of this site, we are talking about college when it is entered directly after high school. Other times of attendance produce different environments for the student than the time right after high school. So, for purposes of this discussion, the ages of about 18 to 22 or so is the time frame we are referring to when we talk about college and university years.

Many children attend a local college for at least one year, sometimes for the entire 4 years or so. In that case, the transition to the feeling of total independence is more gradual. But just attending either a state or private college and university gives most students a feeling of maturity and independence - of a sort.

Some children have to become adults very quickly in the area of finances if they have to pay for their college without assistance from other sources. These students have already developed goals and passion for their goals or they would not have even bothered to attend a college and university.

Your role as the parent is, again, to be patient and supportive.

Understand that, even though you will always see the child in your child, you need to recognize more and more often the man or woman in that same child. Without your recognition of that part of your offspring, your son or daughter will not totally feel your support.

Another part of that support is to allow your son or daughter to...

Choose a State or Private College and University...

...and to enter the academic field he or she wants to enter - not the field you believe he or she should enter.

You may be right in the long run, but you are not really helping your child by deciding for him or her the path he or she should take. That takes power away from your young student and also takes away the confidence he or she may have in making such decisions.

Because of the environment in which your child was raised, it is very likely that he or she may follow in the footsteps of someone in the family instead of going into some totally different field. Let that be your child's decision - not because of pressure from you or others in the family, but because your child feels it is right.

It is very possible that your child will decide later that a different field is better, now that he or she has experienced the "family business". Again, allow your child that decision if that is what happens. Don't use guilt or the other things we parents sometimes do to try to steer your young student the way you believe he or she should go.

Most parents advise their children in an effort to help them avoid unnecessary heartache and, perhaps, failures. If your child actually wants your input, certainly, feel free to give it to them. Otherwise, keep quiet. Sometimes heartache and failure play a large role in helping a child see clearly the role he or she is here to play in the world.

Most of us don't search for answers unless we have a question, which is what happens when a person experiences some kind of difficulty in an area of his or her life.

In solving a problem and/or recovering from a disappointment, an individual gains strength and confidence in him or her self. Initially, of course, they often question themselves and their value, but once they have gotten through the situation, usually there is more of a sense of confidence just from the fact of having made it through.

No parent would intentionally place their child ‘in the fire’. However, preventing a child from feeling the warmth can also prevent him or her from feeling the power of extinguishing the blaze on their own.

So whether your child chooses the state or private college and university, an academic field that you approve or not, allow your child the freedom to make his or her own choice. You’ll be glad you did!

Next: Parenting Adult Children >>

<< Return to Home from State or Private College and University